Spicy daf today! In response to the Mishnah teaching that the secluded High Priest can eat anything he wants until prior to Yom Kippur, we get a list of foods that the rabbis insist he should not eat, as they may cause him to have a seminal emission at night and render him impure. This takes them down a tangent road about not eating these foods when you’re traveling to avoid embarrassing messes in hotels. And then we get the most shocking piece of all . . .
When Rav would happen to come to Darshish he would declare: Who will be married to me for the day? Similarly, when Rav Naḥman would come to Shekhantziv he would declare: Who will be married to me for the day that I am here?
That’s right. These rabbis would ask for a bride, just for the night they are in town. Have question? The Gemara does too:
But wasn’t it taught in a baraita that Rabbi Eliezer ben Ya’akov says: A man should not marry a woman in one state and go and marry another woman in a different state, lest a match be arranged between the child of this wife with the child of that wife who are unaware of their relationship.
It’s the modern conundrum of sperm donors falling in love with people they don’t realize are siblings!!! We get a rule that we can still apply today:
This would lead to a brother marrying his sister or a father marrying his daughter, filling the whole world in its entirety with mamzerim. And concerning this it is stated: “And the land became filled with lewdness” (Leviticus 19:29). The Sages say in response: The Sages generate publicity. Since they were well-known, the identity of their children was also undoubtedly known. Therefore, there was no concern that errors of this kind would befall their children.
But there are other problems with the idea of these rabbis taking a wife just for the night, isn’t there?
But didn’t Rava say: With regard to one who proposed marriage to a woman and she agreed, she is required to sit seven clean days, as perhaps due to the anticipatory desire she might not notice that she experienced menstrual bleeding and she is therefore impure. How, then, could these amora’im marry a woman on the day that they proposed? The Gemara answers: The Sages would inform them by sending messengers before their arrival. The messenger would announce that the amora sought to marry a local woman. The woman who agreed would in fact wait seven clean days before marrying him.
And if you wish, say instead that these Sages were not actually proposing marriage; rather, they proposed so that they could be in seclusion with the women, without consummating the relationship. Since the women knew that the marriage would not be consummated, they did not experience anticipatory desire. There is no similarity between one who has bread in his basket and one who does not have bread in his basket.
Okay, so we have the possibility that these rabbis are “marrying” women for the night so that they will not have seminal emissions. Basically, it sounds, on the surface, like a kosher way to stay with a prostitute . . . or have a one night stand (but I assume she is getting paid a bride price).
Alternatively, the Gemara suggests (always defending rabbis’ honor) that it’s merely the fact that they know there is a woman they can go to and sleep with that’s enough for them not to need to have sex.
There is no similarity between one who has bread in his basket and one who does not have bread in his basket teaches that we have less desire if we know where our next meal is coming from. This is true for food insecurity, as well as in our physical relationships.
It makes me think of couples who are not living together verses those who are. When you don’t know when you will have the opportunity to have sex, you are more likely to take it when you can. Your desire is higher. But when the possibility is there all the time, well, the bread may stay in the breadbox . . .